The Tale of a Survivor
I believe I was sixteen and my sister almost 18 when our Mom called us in to talk to us. For some reason, at that point and time, we thought it was funny to ask: “Who died?” whenever our parents wanted to share something serious with us. It may have just been my imagination, but, after that, it seemed that our mom hesitated before she spoke.
“When I was 16, I had an abortion…” she spoke.
I froze. I can’t speak for my sister, but for me, I suddenly saw my mother as someone I didn’t know. It was like falling through the floor into another dimension. You must understand that I am the youngest of 5 kids, I guess now I can say of 6 kids, in an actively pro-life family. We were members of a Teen Pro-Life Group. We went to church every Sunday. We did not do that.
At that point, a lot of feelings and questions went through my head. How could she do that? How could she keep that from us? What else was she lying about? What else would I find out wasn’t true about my life? Why was “he” aborted and not me? What made me worth more than him?
My mom had been dating an older guy (a couple of years older) and had only had sex with him once but was “un-lucky” enough to get pregnant. My grandfather was not excited about his daughter being pregnant and, it seems, didn’t want the embarrassment of her having a baby out of wedlock; my mother, also, wasn’t ready for a baby. It was just a blob of tissue; surely her parents wouldn’t let her do something that would harm her? My grandmother went with her; my grandfather never spoke to her about it again (even now). **
My Mother had feelings of unworthiness and feared sharing this terrible secret with us. She had to wonder how we would feel about her after this revelation. For a day I had to work through my feelings so I could look at her, and maybe a few days more to come back to knowing that she was still who I thought she was. She loved us enough to change her life, to help change the lives of others through her work with Project Aurora and Rachel’s Vineyard. She volunteered at a crisis pregnancy center and helped us to be involved in Pro-life groups, hoping that we would never go through the trauma she went through, and hoping, also, we would help other girls to not make the same choice she was pushed into making.
Last night, I had a dream that I had had an abortion. There was such sorrow in my heart for that baby I would never know. I kept wanting to go back to undo the abortion so I could give life to my child. I thought about, in my dream, the lives that wouldn’t be because of the life that was ended. When I awoke, I was free of those fears and worries but people like my Mother will never be free of them. The only hope for them is healing.
That’s where my mom comes in again. She wasn’t content to just heal from her own abortion, she wanted others to be healed too. Through her ministry in Project Aurora and Rachel’s Vineyard, she has helped lead many women (and men) to be free of their terrible secret and to come to a place of healing in regards to their lost children.
**I must mention that my Grandmother came to regret her part in my mom's abortion and would attend the Rally's for Life with us at the state capitol every year.
**I must mention that my Grandmother came to regret her part in my mom's abortion and would attend the Rally's for Life with us at the state capitol every year.
Seek help! Don't date men who use your past against you. You are the mother of a wonderful child who wants more for you than for you to blame yourself and be in abusive relationships because of their death.
http://project-aurora.org/
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Project-Aurora/
